Today is September 11! 9/11 ! Holly Crap, its the Afghan time!
The Islamic Republic of Afghanistan is a country of many contradicting stereotypes. It is popularly portrayed in terms of its ethnic and religious groups, which are in themselves quite diverse, complex and contradicting. Surface generalizations about the country’s history, politics, religion and people are the hallmark of popular opinion on the country and the nation. Even the term Afghanistan or Afghan nation is largely very ambiguous, not for its literal meaning or the origins of the term but more so because large share of Afghans identify primarily along the lines of kinship, tribes, communities, religious groups etc rather than as members of an overarching ethnic group or a nation.
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Let’s explore some Afghan stereotypes:
The stereotypical Afghan loves conspiracies. For him, the world is battlefield of conspiracies. A stereotypical Afghan sees conspiracy in 9/11, in the Iran-Iraq war, in the Arab Spring, in the moon landing, in the reform movements in Iran or Saudi Arabia, in the events in Pakistan, in the Afghan war – he even thinks there are signs of miracle on the moon that NASA is conspiring to hide. On a larger level this hypocrisy feeds into conspiracy theories. For him non-Muslim outsiders equal conspiracy but Muslim outsiders equal space available for accommodation.
For the narcissists in Afghanistan, religion is the ultimate instrument. The stereotypical Afghan loves his religion. He might be an Afghan but he was born a Muslim first. The stereotypical Afghan suffers from malnutrition and has the lowest life expectancy in the world, but he never skips a roza. He does not understand a word of Arabic but multiple times a day he prays in Arabic and reads the Quran as often as he can. The stereotypical Afghan has to therefore, beg the mullah’s guidance and ask for his interpretation of the divine, and we know that that has caused a few problems in the past.
Most Afghan people (mostly younger one’s) could recognize themselves in these comic statements. Enjoy!
- Your parents offend themselves when using offending words to you like: “padarnalat, Bache sag”
- You’ll find it funny when your friends use Afghan abuse that you’ve learned them.
- Your family loves bollywood-movies
- At home, You have a supply of pistachios, dates, raisins etc.
- You can recognize other Afghans from a distance of 1km!
- After dinner, the girls disappear into the kitchen.
- During the dinner, the men are relaxing and being served by the ladies.
- You have at least 30 cousins
- Your parents yell during call, so they understand better.
- At the end of a phone call, you say each other in 10 different ways “bye”.
- Before your guests really leave, you are talking with them in front of the door for an hour.
- If you’re a man, you mother does everything for you.
- If your whole family is together, you could supply a whole army.
- You are at least 1 time beaten with a: “chaplak, kamarband or magaskush”.
- You have at least 1 red Afghan “qalin” in your house. (=carpet)
- You call you friends “my son”(bachem) or his son (bachesh)
- You dinner at 9pm.
- The presents you get, will be given as presents to others.
- You never go on vacation to relax, but to visit family.
- They always ask you unpacking your present carefully because you can use the paper again.
- You have more bollywood movies at home than books
- Everything you do is wrong, the parents are always right.
- You have never met half of your family.
- Your parents drink 2 tarmus chai/day.
- Your parents are constantly comparing you to relatives or friends.
- Your parents don’t accept it, if u compare yourself to friends.
- Once the visitors are out the door, your parents begin talking about them.
- At least once a week, you parents start talking about “the good times” in Afghanistan
- Visitors are in front of your door, without calling.
- Your parents are under high pressure of what people think if you don’t become a doctor, lawyer or engineer.
- Your parents have always their vision about words like: Frankfurt; “faranakfoort”
- Afghan men always talk about politics
- An Afghan girl is described bad if she starts laughing in public
- An Afghan girl is labeled as well when she looks quietly whole evening at her hands on her laps.
- Your parents say always that they have known harder times than you do.
- If you mother didn’t cook rice with meat, it seems that she didn’t cook at all.
- A wedding is rated by looking at the quality of the food and singer.
- Your father only likes shoes when they are “charmi” (e.g. Leather)
- The concerns about Dulhann and Zara are more important for your parents than your average ones.
- You always have to answer about : Taliban, Bin Laden, Kandahar Afghanistan, Afghanistan War, Pashto, CNN Afghan.
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Jokes – Afghan typical stereotypes